10 Conversations To Have With Your Partner Before Marriage
Are you considering marriage? In this piece, we will talk about 10 conversations to have with your partner before marriage.
For many couples, marriage is the start of a journey where they grow to understand and love each other more each day. Some want a clear view of what lies ahead. To achieve that, couples should talk about key matters that most married couples face. Here are some crucial conversations for those about to get married.
1. Family/In-laws
When people get married, they join a bigger family. This means they have to deal with new relationships and possible new duties. Couples should talk about how often they’ll see their own families after marriage. Will their partner’s family want them at special times? Will they want their partner to join their family’s customs or make new ones? Will vacations include the spouse’s family? Also, think about helping elderly parents from both sides.
2. Money/Finances
Money problems often lead to divorce. Before getting married, it’s important for couples to talk about how they’ll manage their money together. They should share their spending habits and any debts they have. It’s necessary, to be honest about all their financial accounts. Having a hidden bank account can seriously harm the marriage if it’s found out later. Couples should decide if they’ll have shared credit cards and bank accounts, and if they’ll combine income from all sources. And also you can talk about future investments, and tell your partner about your plans in terms of investment. This way they will be able to help you with ideas, and also finances if possible.
3. Intimacy/Sex
Sure. Let’s discuss the topic of sex. Sex is an important and healthy part of a relationship. It’s like a measure of the relationship. To understand this better, ask these questions: Do your religious beliefs affect your sexual life? What does sex signify to you? How frequently do you prefer to have sex?
Do you hold any specific hopes about sex? Are you and your partner at ease discussing your needs? Why or why not?
Also, it’s helpful to know how your partner reacts when you talk about your sexual needs. Do they get upset? Do they feel in danger? You’ll need to understand your partner’s sexual needs for you to be able to relate to them sexually for a lifetime.
4. Children and Parenting
You might think about how engaged couples sometimes skip discussing this matter. Instead, they assume, which can lead to problems when they realize their views differ after a few years of marriage. Couples should talk about how many kids they want and the conditions for starting a family. How do finances and career choices affect this? If pregnancy isn’t possible due to health, is adoption an option?
Parenting methods often come from one’s own upbringing, and partners might have different experiences. So, it’s good to cover some basic childcare topics. Once a child comes, will one partner stay home full-time? Is daycare okay while both work? Will discipline be a shared effort or led by one parent?
5. Future
Is Our Future Outlook Similar? This emphasizes the need for couples to discuss if they share a common vision for the future. This shared vision doesn’t just involve their present perspective on these aspects but also includes what they aspire to build together.
What are their future plans for spending time together? Where do they envision living? What experiences do they want to share?
Couples who don’t evolve together tend to drift apart. So, beyond discussing an agreement on current matters before marriage, couples should also converse about their desired future.
6. Religion
Discussing religion is important in a relationship. It’s not just a simple topic for dating conversations. You should talk about how much religion matters to both of you. If you have different faiths, think about how it might impact raising kids. Will differing beliefs cause problems? Also, if one goes to church and the other doesn’t, how will that be managed after marriage?
7. Personal time.
In a marriage, both partners have their own friends and hobbies that make them happy. These might not always match with what the other partner enjoys. It’s important for couples to talk about how they feel about spending time with their own friends and doing activities they like. If one person thinks everything should be done together as a couple while the other wants to keep spending time with their friends or doing certain activities alone, it can lead to resentment.
Likewise, it’s crucial to discuss how each person feels about their partner interacting with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. Also, consider how comfortable you are with your partner having lunch or a drink with someone of the opposite gender after work. Expecting your spouse to give up their long-time friends and interests is usually not practical. It’s better to discuss how you can enjoy your time together and also have some time apart that’s reasonable for both of you. This way, you can strengthen your relationship while also maintaining your individual connections and hobbies.
8. Future housing plans
If your careers involve moving often, especially if you and your partner are from different places, talk about where you want to live in the long run. Don’t assume that growing up on the west coast means your partner from Florida is okay with living far away from family. Being open to different places is good, but make sure you both agree.
9. Challenges
How Will We Face Challenges Together? Today’s couples deal with new challenges that didn’t exist in the past. These challenges lead to conflicts, so couples should be ready for them.
Couples should plan how to handle conflicts when they arise, not if they do. This also involves deciding who to turn to for advice when they face a deadlock.
In the past, couples were often part of a community, whether religious or close-knit family, that could guide newlyweds. This guidance set a pattern for resolving conflicts in marriages.
But nowadays, many couples lack such a community and find themselves alone in a rapidly changing world. Before marrying, couples today should discuss seeking help from therapists, religious figures, or mentors when things get tough. Sometimes it can be challenging to deal with a partner who is going through a difficult time, check out how you can support your partner during difficult times.
10. Household tasks
Talking about how to handle regular household tasks is important. If one spouse grew up with cleaners coming weekly, and the other spouse lived where kids shared daily chores, problems can come up. Different views on cleanliness can cause tension. Talking can prevent this. Marriage is a learning journey. Conflicts will come up, but discussing these topics can help. Don’t assume your partner’s thoughts. Honest talks make your marriage stronger.
