10 Ways to Regain Trust in a Relationship
We hear about trust in relationships a lot, but not how to build it or regain it after it’s broken. Here are 10 ways to regain trust in a relationship. Saying you’ll be loyal/trustworthy is simple, but how do you show it? Loyalty means being honest, trustworthy, and committed.
Trust—is a simple word with immense significance. It’s the heart of any relationship, holding it together like superglue. When trust thrives, you can peacefully rest beside your partner, undisturbed by texts or calls. Late work hours don’t lead to anxiety.
Yet, lack of trust has the opposite effect. It breeds emotional turmoil, making you search for proof of your suspicions. Insecurities flare, causing vigilance and sleepless nights. Questions arise: Am I enough? Is it my fault? Is our connection genuine? What will others say?
But don’t lose hope if trust is broken. Even after betrayal, a relationship can mend.
Relationships are complex tapestries, intricately woven. Understand, that trust breaks when something else cracks. Are you willing to invest time and effort, in rebuilding what took years to construct? Can you find the fragments that caused the collapse? If yes, you can piece it all back together.
Here are some ways to do that:
1. Get Clarity
When betrayal happens, it feels like a huge disaster. Emotions are fragile, fingers are pointed, and a kind of war happens. But big events like this don’t just come out of nowhere. There are reasons behind them. To understand things better, you need to dig deep. Was there something important that should have been talked about, but was ignored instead?
Talk to your partner. Find out what happened and why. You’ll definitely feel angry, but if you want to make things better, you have to listen. The answers often show the problems in the relationship that existed before the betrayal. The betrayal was a sign, not the actual problem.
If this doesn’t happen, the relationship will probably end in a lot of pain, regret, and resentment.
2. Understand the Reasons/Motivation
People have various motives for their actions. Usually, these motives are important and make sense to the person involved. They might be feeling upset, isolated, or undervalued. At times, someone outside the relationship fulfills the role that the partner isn’t fulfilling.
Motivation has a big impact on whether the relationship can be repaired. Neglect, dissatisfaction with intimacy, anger, or lack of dedication can all contribute to cheating. You might feel responsible for the situation, maybe even partially involved. However, it’s also possible that you had no influence on it.
3: Fully commit in Restoring the Relationship
How much does your relationship mean to you? After the cheating has happened, think about these things:
Am I ready to stick with him/her even after what occurred? Do I still feel love for him/her? Can I do whatever it takes to overcome this tough situation?
If you said yes to those questions, then even though the road ahead might be difficult, it’s a worthwhile effort. If both of you are committed, ready to analyze the situation, and willing to work on fixing it, there’s a chance to overcome this challenge and emerge stronger.
Once you make the commitment, move forward with determination. Don’t put in only partial effort. It’s either full commitment or none at all. If you’re not fully invested, it means you’re partly checked out.
4. Consider Couples’ Counseling
Sometimes, recovering trust and working through an affair might be really tough. If that’s the case, you could consider couples’ therapy.
With a trained expert, you can address issues that might be hard to talk about at home, even if you’re sitting down with a glass of wine, and asking questions like, “Was she better than me? Tell me all the details!” You don’t need all of those specifics, but let’s not get into that right now.
Getting help from outside can be really valuable. You’ll learn how to handle the toughest situations. And that’s exactly what could be helpful during a sensitive time like the one you’re going through.
After putting in immense effort to mend your relationship and move past the difficulties you faced, you find yourselves still together, committed to preserving what you have. Despite this progress, there are moments when lingering anger and resentment persist, indicating that true forgiveness has not taken place.
To genuinely overcome the challenges posed by “The Event,” forgiveness becomes crucial. This applies to both sides. The one who betrayed may be overwhelmed by guilt to the point of compromising on matters they shouldn’t.
Although forgiveness is challenging, it remains pivotal for the relationship’s survival.
6. Give it Time
Take your time and be patient. Allow things to develop naturally.
If you really want your relationship to succeed, patience is key. You’ll feel anger, sadness, and insecurity, maybe even shame. Deal with these emotions bit by bit. Communicate when needed. Over time, by taking these small steps, you’ll reach healing!
7. Be open and honest.
Be completely open and clear, just like a see-through window. To rebuild trust, the one who caused the harm must show complete honesty. The person who was hurt shouldn’t suspect any hidden information. Keeping secrets will only make the lack of trust worse.
For example, if the phone rings, don’t say, “I need to answer this,” and go to another room. If you’ve damaged trust, there’s a lot of fixing needed. Forget about feeling like your privacy is invaded. At this stage, you haven’t proven you deserve it. You’ll have to earn their trust again, so be transparent.
8: Sever All Connections
If you’ve hurt your partner, you must end all communication with the person involved. No calls, texts, emails, or meetings. No “closure” meetups either.
No contact means exactly that. If it’s done, let it be done. Your partner deserves this. You might have had reasons, but you need a stronger reason to rebuild your bond. That’s not possible if you keep in touch with the “Other” person.
Rebuilding trust won’t work if your partner sees you’re still connected to the one who nearly ruined your relationship.
9. Avoid Repeatedly Mentioning the Event!
Once you’ve cleared much of the mess, rebuilt your lives, and feel ready to move forward, do so. This means, don’t keep bringing up what occurred. This will only cause the hurt to resurface.
Think of it like a deep cut. You get stitches and a bandage. Instead of letting it heal, you keep removing the bandage and tearing off the stitches just to see the wound. Ouch!
For your relationship to truly mend, leave the mistake in the past and move on. Learn from it, make necessary changes, then continue ahead. Discussing it excessively will only prolong the pain.
10: Keep Your Promises!
If you’re the one who broke trust, remember this: Don’t lie. Speak truthfully and honestly. Even a tiny lie, a “small” lie, might lead to doubt and make your relationship worse. This could cause permanent harm. Stay steady, dependable, and truthful.
1. How can you rebuild loyalty after it has been broken in a relationship?
Rebuilding loyalty in a relationship can be a difficult and delicate process, but it is possible with effort and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps that may be useful:
1. Acknowledge the breach of trust: The first step towards rebuilding loyalty is acknowledging that it has been broken. Both partners should be honest about their feelings and take responsibility for their actions.
2. Communicate openly: Open communication is crucial for rebuilding trust. Each partner should be open to hearing each other’s problems and feelings without passing judgment.
3. Set clear expectations: It’s important to set clear expectations for what each partner needs in order to feel safe and secure in the relationship. This might include boundaries, regular check-ins, or other forms of reassurance.
4. Follow through on commitments: Rebuilding loyalty requires consistent effort and follow-through. Both partners should be willing to make and keep commitments, even if they are difficult or uncomfortable.
5. Seek professional help if necessary: Rebuilding loyalty can be a complex and challenging process, and it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance.
Remember that rebuilding loyalty takes time and effort, but it is possible with commitment and dedication from both partners.
2. What are the signs of disloyalty in a relationship
There are several signs that may indicate disloyalty in a relationship, including:
- Lack of communication or avoidance of certain topics
- Secrecy about whereabouts or activities
- Changes in behavior or routine
- Increased defensiveness or hostility
- Lack of intimacy or physical affection
- Unexplained expenses or financial discrepancies
- Suspicious phone or computer activity
However, it’s important to keep in mind that these signs do not necessarily mean that someone is being disloyal. It’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner and address any concerns you may have.
Check out more of our relationship guides like, Conversations To Have With Your Partner Before Marriage, How to Support Your Partner During a Difficult Time, How to Politely Say No to Friends and Family, and more.